


A Marvellous Bromance

by InterestingInterpretation (bigblueboxat221b)



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Adorable, Benedict Cumberbatch Wearing Glasses, Comfort No Hurt, Epic Bromance, Gen, Marvel Universe, Platonic Life Partners, Sherlock References, Tom Hiddleston Is A Sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-01-18 16:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12391566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigblueboxat221b/pseuds/InterestingInterpretation
Summary: Tom and Ben are adorable, platonic besties 4EVA. These are some of their stories.





	1. Guys Night In

**Author's Note:**

  * For [englandwouldfalljohn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/englandwouldfalljohn/gifts), [libetdawn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/libetdawn/gifts).



> How englandwouldfalljohn and libetdawn get into my head so vividly I will never know. Anyway, I took a bunch of comments and helped them wind themselves into this cracky piece of super sweet goodness. I dare you not to smile at some point.  
> Written in 2 caffeine fuelled hours without even the whiff of a beta. <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benedict and Tom have a regular guys night in. It's not quite what you think, and when Tom finally gets his package delivered, Benedict can't wait.

_Recent text messages – Tom Hiddleston_

You free tonight? - T

_Have they arrived??? - B_

[download image.jpg] - T

_Yesssssssssss! I’m in! Usual? - B_

Usual. - T

 

Tom opens the door, broad grin in place, face already flushed with excitement.

Benedict speaks immediately. “You’ve got them, right? That picture of the shipping label was not that informative.”

Tom gives Benedict a ‘really?’ look, holding the door open for his friend to enter. Benedict’s face morphs into a matching grin as he steps into the familiar front hall of Tom’s house.

“It’s all ready to go,” Tom says excitedly as they walk into the sitting-room.

Benedict drops his overnight bag with a thump on the couch and spies the parcel sitting on a table. Tom slaps an impatient hand as Benedict attempts to see the contents.

“Come on!” Benedict whines, though the both of them are grinning with barely contained excitement. Tom slowly peels back the first strip of adhesive, earning an eye roll and ‘come on!’ hand motion from Benedict. Teasingly he lifts the first item out.

A sharp inhale. “They had them in extra tall!” Benedict squeals and Tom laughs in delight, pulling the men’s Marvel onsie with optional extra-long arms and legs, out of the box.

“They did!” he says grandly, throwing the first pair at Benedict before removing his own from the parcel.

“Doctor Strange for you, Asgard for me,” Tom says, as Benedict is examining the magic symbols printed on his fabric. Tom’s features Thor’s hammer, the Casket of Ancient Winters, and Loki’s helmet. They look at each other in excitement as they giggle like school children. Without a word, both start stripping off as fast as possible.

“So much cooler than those Sherlock ones.” Benedict deadpans.

Tom snickers. “You loved those. I loved those. They were so comfortable,” he points out.

“Yes, but…” Benedict trails off as he pulls on his one piece sleep suit, zipping up the front. He sticks out one foot. “Oh my God, they’ve got footsies!” His black-clad toes wiggle, and Tom wiggles his own grey covered toes in response. They both break out in delighted laughter.

“You look like you’re wearing the Eye of What’sis.” Tom tells Benedict, pointing at the printed chain and jewel.

“It’s the Eye of Agamotto, Tom.” Benedict said in a heavy American accent. He focusses, assuming his concentration stance from Doctor Strange. Grinning at Tom, he does the spellcasting action from Doctor Strange, then ‘wax on, wax off’ from Karate Kid. Tom throws his head back and laughs.

“Jay would hate that,” he comments, and Benedict agrees. He starts doing a more complicated spell sequence, but Tom throws a cushion at his head, shattering his concentration.

“Good thing you’re not my sidekick.” Benedict grumbles good-naturedly. He looks around. “I thought you said everything was ready?”

They tidy their clothes, Benedict moving his bag to the corner of the room before they walk into the kitchen, Benedict nodding as he sees the spread. “Acceptable,” he says pompously.

Tom just points to one tray, grabbing two cartons from the freezer before picking up the other and following Benedict into the sitting room. They arrange themselves side by side as usual on the sofa, shoulders bumping, trays within easy reach.

“Chocolate, biscuits, ice-cream, and that cookie dough abomination you like,” Benedict notes. “I can’t believe you still pay to have it shipped over here.”

Tom snorts. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you eating half of it last time,” he says, “and you forgot the usual libations, my friend.” A large thermos of hot chocolate appears from beside the couch. Tom pours while Benedict complains about forgetting his glasses; he hauls himself back up, rumbling through his bag to find them before settling down again. He sighs, accepting the hot chocolate.

“So good,” Benedict murmurs, shifting his shoulders to try and get comfortable. Frowning, Benedict puts his mug down, pulling at the back of his neck. Tom glances over from where he was cuing up the movies.

“What?” Tom murmurs.

“There. Is. A. HOOD!” Benedict stage whispers in excitement. Tom watches, open mouthed as Benedict wrestles it from inside his sleep suit, where it had become tangled. When he finally frees it, they both speak at the same time.

“IT’S THE CLOAK!”

Benedict stands up to let it go free, and Tom’s eyes go wide. "Benedict.” He says.

Benedict looks at him. “What?” he asks.

Tom’s eyes are fixed at Benedict’s neck. “I think there’s a collar!”

“What?” Benedict says, eyes opening wide. Tom looks, feels the press studs at the edge of the fabric. His eyes widen too, and he scrambles to find the packaging. Fishing inside he finds an extra piece of fabric, stiffened in places – a detachable Clock of Levitation collar.

“OH MY GAWD!” Benedict shrieks, standing questionably still while Tom fixes it to him, arranging it dramatically. “Oooooh!”

Tom drops the remote control, feeling inside his own collar, but coming up empty. He pouts. “Mine doesn’t have one.” He whines. He leans forward, allowing Benedict to have a look, but it’s true – Tom’s is a slightly different style, without a cloak. He crosses his arms, sulking.

“What’s that?” Benedict asks, looking at his wrists where they are crossed across his chest. Tom, distracted, looks down. There is an extra flap of fabric on the back of each of his cuffs. Neither can figure it out, so Benedict stands again to fetch his phone. He googles it, eyes widening in glee when he reads the explanation.

“Mittens!” he crows. “You’ve got attached removable mittens!” Tom lights up, the sulk forgotten, especially when they investigate and see that Benedict’s do not have the mittens as Tom’s do. He pulls the fabric over his hands, waving them around at Benedict for a bit, pawing at his collar. They take a bunch of selfies, silly faces, pretending to be frightened of each other, then Benedict makes Tom take photos of him in the collar from all angles so he can see himself.

“Can’t eat with them on, though.” Tom says regretfully, uncovering his hands. He searches and finds the remote where Benedict has ended up sitting on it.

“What are we watching tonight, I can’t remember.” Benedict asks him. He’s opened both their cartons of ice-cream and the chocolates in preparation.

Tom shrugs. “Whatever’s next on the list, I think.”

Benedict looks at the screen, frowning at the slightly blurred and flared image. “Oh, my lenses are filthy. Do you have…thanks.”

Tom takes his cleaning solution and cloth out, leaving Benedict to clean his glasses as Tom finds the next title in their ongoing movie marathon.

“Captain America: Winter Soldier.” Tom reads. “That’s right, we just watched those Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D episodes.”

“If you say so, bro.” Benedict says, with all the sarcasm and American accent he can muster for the ‘bro’. Tom settles back, nudging him with his shoulder in response. They both reach for their ice-cream as the credits roll.

+++

“That was awesome.” Benedict sighs, stretching. “You do need a bigger sofa, you know that right?” As usual he’s ended up with his head on Tom’s lap, Tom’s fingers carding through his Sherlock-long hair. Tom obviously has a thing for it, and Benedict doesn’t mind, it’s comforting. He often finds his own hand settling on the strands of Loki’s hair, the smooth, absent slide across his fingers soothing.

“Well, not today,” Tom replies. The next movie was playing automatically, and it took them a few moments to figure out what it was – more episodes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Any more M and M’s?” Benedict asks lazily. He grins as Tom’s fingers find his mouth, pushing the chocolate inside.

“Fanks,” Benedict lisps, crunching the candy. Tom doesn’t bother to reply, Benedict knows he doesn’t mind providing the chocolate.

“I don’t think I trust him,” Benedict says, pointing up at the screen. The kink in his neck really does need a proper stretch so he sits up, adjusting his glasses, tilting his neck this way and that.

“I have no idea who that is.” Tom admits. He’s opened the cookie dough and is waving a spoonful at Benedict, who makes a ‘yuck’ face and pushes it away. Tom persists and Benedict does a dramatic eye roll and accepts a ridiculously large mouthful. Tom does the same, and they struggle to talk to each other through the mess, giggling and almost spitting cookie dough all over each other.

“No more, that’s disgusting.” Benedict protests. He reaches for a handful of M and M’s instead, tossing one in the air and catching it in his mouth. Tom grins, crossing his legs to face Benedict, and they started competing, seeing who can do the highest (Tom), then with their eyes closed (also Tom), then Benedict wins the night when he manages to toss two at once and catch them both.

“There are M and M’s everywhere,” Tom half-complains. He starts digging into the back of the sofa, looking for them. One hand accidentally slides under Benedict, pushing against his arse.

“Oi!” Benedict says, jumping a mile. He mock glares at an unapologetic Tom, who looks at him innocently, pushing his glasses up his nose with one pointed middle finger.

“What?” Tom asks insolently.

“We talked about this.” Benedict says in a pretend fierce tone. He grins. “If you get to grope, I get to…tickle!” He launches himself at his friend, aiming for the spots he knows will get the best response. Sure enough, Tom starts squealing like a girl, panting, ‘No, no, no, you cheater, no!’ Benedict relents after a few moments, blinking when he realises his glasses have come off in the tussle. So have Tom’s, and he rescues both pairs off the floor.

“Which ones are yours?” Benedict asks. They both examine them, but the frames are identical. Benedict puts one pair on, looking around the room and squinting. “Woah, these are so not mine.” He switches with Tom, who nods when the right glasses settle on his nose.

Tom glances at the TV, still playing Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. “Should we change it? I can’t really concentrate on this tonight.”

“Sure.” Benedict shrugs. “What do you want to watch instead?”

Tom grins slyly, and Benedict knows exactly what he’s going to say. They speak in unison.

“Sex and the City!”

They settle in again, leaning against each other, heads tilted until Loki’s hair and Sherlock’s blend together. There’s a bit of gentle bickering about exactly what makes a ‘Charlotte’ vs a ‘Carrie’, but it’s comfortable and pleasant, Tom sighs a contented sound. Benedict grins. Both are snuggly-happy in their Marvel onesies (one with collared-cloak, one with mittens, both with footsies), as close as two friends can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> META NOTES  
> * JayFunk is the tutter (street hand dancer) that choreographed the Doctor Strange spell casting hand motions.  
> * The chronology of MCU actually does have Captain America: Winter Soldier appearing in the middle of series 1 of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D


	2. Loki and Diana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new friend brings them closer together. And what's better than one? TWO!

“Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Seriously, Benedict, close them!”

“I heard about that stupid punching game they were doing on X-Men, you’re not going to start that are you?”

Tom gives Benedict a look of gentle exasperation. “Seriously? You seriously think that I would start a punching game.”

“Okay, okay,” Benedict grumbles – Tom does have a point. He closes his eyes, listening as Tom steps out of the room and returns, placing something large at his feet.

“Okay, open,” says Tom, his voice vibrating with excitement. Benedict opens his eyes and frowns. It’s a box. He glances at Tom, who motions to hurry up, so Benedict tentatively flicks one of the flaps open. As soon as he does a wet brown nose pokes out, lifting the other flap a little before disappearing again.

“Tom!” Benedict stage whispers excitedly, not wanting to startle the puppy.

“I know!” Tom replies in the same whisper, voice strained with repressed excitement. “I walked past on the way to Starbucks and she was so adorable I just couldn’t resist! I had to carry her home, she was shivering so much.” The small nose pokes out again, and Benedict cautiously opens the other flap, revealing a gorgeous dark chocolate puppy. Her long ears are furry, tight curls of fur framing her face, bright dark eyes darting around the room, lingering on the two figures crouched over her box.

“She’s adorable!” Benedict breathes. She watches as Tom takes her out of the box, settling her on the floor next to where Benedict has sat down to visit her.

“Have you named her?” Benedict asks, smiling at the dog and holding his hand out for her to sniff. She does, then gives him a tentative lick before returning to Tom.

Tom’s face flushes a little, and he meets Benedict’s eyes a little defiantly. “I want to call her Loki,” he admits.

Benedict grins a wide, genuine grin at his friend. “That’s perfect.”

Tom’s eyes light up. “You should get one too! They could be friends!”

“Oooh, that’s a great idea,” exclaims Benedict.

 

+++

 

“Guess. What.” Benedict’s voice can barely suppress his excitement.

“What?”

“Loki has a new friend!”

Tom gasps and Benedict can hear he now has his friend’s full attention. “No way! When! Can I meet her? Come over tonight!”

Benedict laughs. “We’ll be there in an hour.”

When he knocks on the door, Tom answers within seconds, Loki cradled protectively in his arms. “Hi!” he says excitedly.

Benedict is holding his puppy, a golden retriever with fur puffed out like a marshmallow. “Oh, she’s gorgeous!” Tom exclaims as they move into the dining area next to the kitchen. Child gates are in place while Loki is being house trained, so Benedict sits down with his puppy to acclimatise her to the new environment.

“How’s the house training going?” he asks, then grins when Tom gives him a slightly sour look. “Not great, then.”

“She’s doing fine,” Tom says, “but we’re not there yet.”

“Us too,” replies Benedict.

“So what’s her name?” Tom asks, sitting next to Benedict and offering his loose fist to the golden retriever to sniff. She sticks her face out a little before retreating into Benedict’s comforting embrace. “I was inspired by you,” Benedict says, petting the tiny head, “so allow me to introduce Diana.” He waits while Tom frowned.

“Amazon warrior princess, also known as…” he prompts.

“Wonder Woman!” Tom says triumphantly. “Excellent choice.” They sit there on Tom’s dining room floor for ages, playing with Loki and encouraging Diana, who finally gets up the nerve to leave Benedict’s lap and investigate. Loki comes over to greet her and they cautiously sniff at each other before deciding they can be friends. As they gallop away, yapping at each other, Tom claps one hand to Benedict’s shoulder. “This is the start of a beautiful friendship.”

Benedict grins at the paraphrase. “I was a little worried Diana wouldn’t leave me, for a moment there. Loki seems to be taking good care of her.”

Tom nods, and they watch Loki sharing her water with Diana.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Benedict grins, opening the messenger bag he’d brought. “Happy puppy day.” He hands Tom a package.

“What’s this?”

“Open it and find out,” Benedict grins.

Tom rips off the wrapping paper, a delighted grin spreading across his face as he realises what it is. “No. Way.” He says, examining the image on the font.

“Yes way.” Benedict replies. “I got one for Diana too!”

“Oh my GAWD!” Tom squeals as Benedict holds his up. The dogs start barking at the noise, each racing to her respective owner to make sure everything’s okay. The men scoop them up and without a word, open their packet and start pulling out brightly colour pieces of cloth.

It takes quite a bit of cajoling, but soon, the two dogs are examining each other while Tom and Benedict clap each other on the back and giggle excitedly. The dogs are dressed in tiny costumes as their namesakes – a golden head piece and outfit for Loki, a red and blue outfit complete with lasso and cape for Diana.

“They look so cute!” Tom marvels.

“I know!” Benedict agrees. He pulls out his phone. “Have you got any treats? I want to try and get a photo before they wander off.” Tom grabs some dog treats and grabs their attention while Benedict snaps shot after shot on his phone. When Tom had just about run out, Benedict says, “Okay that should be enough.” Tom comes and stands next to Benedict, their foreheads nearly touching as they both look at the small screen, choosing the best photos.

“We need to expand our movie nights to include the girls,” Benedict murmurs.

Tom agrees. “Puppy treats and bones, once they’re house trained.”

“Oooh, and we can get some photos of us all together!” Benedict exclaims.

“Do you think we could get Wonder Woman onesies with the extra-long arms and legs?” Tom wonders. His face brightens. “Maybe it’ll have a cape! I could have one with a cape!”

“Let’s find out.” Benedict says. “I think these two are just about wiped out.” He motions at the dogs, who are lying piled together. Loki cocks one eyebrow but doesn’t move, clearly tired out by all the excitement. Tom scoops her up, and Benedict Diana, and they make their way into the sitting room for the girls’ first movie experience.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, the cracky goodness of this pair just about writes itself.
> 
> [Here](https://www.amazon.com/Wonder-Woman-Dog-Pet-Costume/dp/B001FYTW5O)  
>  is the Wonder Woman doggie costume. And   
> [here](https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/370913719282582755/)  
>  is the Loki costume.


	3. Memory Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benedict is procrastinating and finds an article about the evolution of his friendship with Tom. They take a delighted trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The article they're reading is [this one](http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2016-08-15/a-timeline-of-benedict-cumberbatch-and-tom-hiddlestons-ever-blossoming-bromance/).
> 
> Dates are approximate and projects they're working on are educated guesses. Just go with it. :)

“Hey it’s us!”

Benedict grinned, turning his laptop to Tom. They were meant to be working, reading through the script for the newest Avengers movie. They would both be in it, which was amazing – actually filming together!

“We’re meant to be…wow!” Tom replied, distracted from his admonishment by the images of them together. “Blushing bromance?” he protested mildly, throwing a sideways grin at Benedict.

“Apparently,” Benedict said. “Though I don’t see the blushing, to be honest.”

“Oh this is hilarious,” Tom went on, scrolling down. “Loved the ‘stache in War Horse.”

“Yes, it goes with the Major’s stripes,” Benedict retorted, grinning. He watched as Tom played the video that showed next, and they giggled and poked gentle fun at each other as Benedict gushed over Tom’s ‘Errol Flynn’ looks and charm. It was funny to see themselves looking so young; Benedict couldn’t believe how blond he was.

“What was I blond for?” he asked Tom.

“Um, Parade’s End, I think,” Tom replied. “Weren’t you shooting that then?”

Benedict thought for a second. “Sounds about right.” He scrolled again. “Look how young we were! When was that?” he asked, pointing at the next image.

“Christ, how do we look younger there?” Tom exclaimed. “And what the hell was with that hair?” he burst out laughing.

“Danny insisted. For Frankenstein,” Benedict grumbled.

“The curls,” Tom chuckled, “the ginger!”

“Yeah, it was a look,” Benedict admitted. “Johnny didn’t have to do it. Bastard.”

“The sideburns!” Tom crowed, wiping at his eyes.

“Time to shut it, fellow bromancer,” Benedict growled.

“Right, right,” Tom said, sighing happily. They read on together, neither opting to watch Benedict do the ice bucket challenge.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Benedict shrugged.

“I bloody hated it,” Tom grumbled. Benedict bumped their shoulders, prompting a smile to light across Tom’s face.

“Oh, look the feminist t-shirt!” Benedict said. As they caught each other’s eye both burst into laughter. The sounds mingled in Tom’s kitchen, the ridiculous high pitched giggle from Benedict counterpoint to Tom’s low chuckle.

“D’you think anyone will ever know it was the same shirt?” Benedict asked finally.

“God, I hope not,” Tom replied. “Not sure where the bromance ends and the ‘more than friends’ rumours begin.”

“At least it wasn’t my fault,” Benedict goaded gently, smirking at his friend. “I know how to use the clothes dryer, you see.”

“Hey,” Tom protested. “I’m as domesticated as the next man!” he pointed at Benedict. “Besides, it only had to get washed because someone,” he pointed again at Benedict, “hasn’t worked out the fine art of chocolate syrup.”

“Hey,” Benedict replied in the same tone Tom had used, “I’m fairly sure you’re the exacting one when it comes to sundaes.”

“The construction matters,” Tom said, exasperated. “It has to be the right balance of crunchy and sweet and cold and…” he waved one hand, “the rest.”

“Like the right angle for squirting the syrup,” Benedict finished, “hence the splatter of syrup.”

They stared at each other for a beat before cracking up again.

“So basically we can’t ever tell anyone about this,” Tom summarised. Benedict nodded fervently.

“Oh, look, the next bit of the article is you doing that terrible impression of me!” Tom said gleefully.

Benedict rolled his eyes. “It’s not that terrible,” he protested weakly. It was, really, but fortunately Tom didn’t continue that particular conversation.

“Hiddlebum?” Tom said, repeating Benedict’s nickname for him as they watched the snippet of interview. “Since when do you call me Hiddlebum?”

“Well, as I said there, there’s gotta be something to distinguish you from Holland,” Benedict explained, unable to keep the grin from his face.

“Right, and you felt that Hiddlebum was the best way to do that,” Tom said, disbelieving. “God, no wonder people wonder about us…”

“No they don’t,” scoffed Benedict. “Not really!”

“Allow me to quote the closing lines of this article, shall I?” Tom replied. “’His bottom has been the subject of much adoration ever since it made its screen debut in BBC drama The Night Manager. But seeing as the pair have been friends since 2010… who can say when the nicknaming began?’” He stared at Benedict. “’Who can say when the nicknaming began?’”

“Well, it’s not terrible,” Benedict began.

“Yeah, it is,” Tom retorted. He read the words again before collapsing his head onto his hands, groaning dramatically. “It’s a good thing you’re married and my reputation is shot.”

Benedict snorted. “It is not shot, Tom.”

Tom started to protest, but Benedict talked over the top of him. “No. We are not starting this again. The media were all arseholes, we both know where they got their ‘insider tips’ from, and anyone who actually knows you knows it’s bullshit.” He looked mock severely at his friend. “Do we need to do another séance?”

“Christ, no,” Tom replied, a reluctant smile tugging at his mouth.

“Good.” Benedict said, satisfied with himself. “Hey, I wonder if I can find that picture…” he trailed off, searching Google. A screen’s worth of images presented itself, and with a yelp he drew Tom’s attention to one of them.

“Look at this!” Benedict clicked on it, enlarging it so they could see better.

“’Boys to Men?’” Tom read. It was a side-by-side of an older image of the two of them and a far newer one. There must have been a least a few years in between, though neither could figure out exactly when the first was taken.

“Well that’s from Infinity Wars,” Tom said finally, pointing at the banner behind them in the newer image.

“Yeah, but the other?” Benedict asked, squinting.

“Glasses, dear?” Tom asked, grinning and letting out an ‘oof!’ as Benedict elbowed him in the ribs.

“Hang on, I’ll find out…” Benedict said, hunching over his laptop. Tom rolled his eyes affectionately – Benedict’s fanatical need for answers and precision was both adorable and infuriating. He turned his attention to making tea instead, finally putting a mug down before Benedict just as he sat up in triumph.

“London, 2011,” Benedict said. He murmured thanks for the tea, then added, “Must have been around the time we met.”

They smiled at each other, each sipping gingerly at the too hot tea. It was a few years ago now – or more than a few, really – but even looking back at their photos, Benedict couldn’t imagine not knowing Tom.


	4. Cabin Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom finally listens to Benedict in Cabin Pressure and has some fun with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick drabble based on my current infatuation with this series. It's fun and quick witted and Benedict is delightful, as is the rest of the cast. Most references here (Little Martin and Paramount Martin) are from the episode called 'Rotterdam', and the exam references are from 'Yverdon-Les-Bains'.

Hey, I’ve just heard something fun. -T

_Fun? - B_

Yes. Given I’m taller than you, Imma start calling you Little Martin. -T

_What? - B_

 

Instead of Paramount Martin.

I think I should be Paramount Martin.

I AM six foot two, you know. -T

_Fuck._

_You’ve been listening to Cabin Pressure, haven’t you? - B_

What on earth do you mean, Little Martin? -T

_Given how much I’ve worked with Martin Freeman, don’t you think I should be Paramount Martin? - B_

Well maybe…give me a good reason, though. -T

_I AM TALLER THAN MARTIN FREEMAN. - B_

Well, I suppose. -T

_And Paramount Martin is an actor._

_Like me. - B_

Well, yeah, but he’s bloody terrible at his job.

Little Martin’s better at his job than Paramount Martin is at his. -T

_Hmm, you do have a point. - B_

Arthur calls him brilliant. -T

_True. - B_

Although according to the simulator exam, he’s just 'adequate'. -T

_He gets a perfect score on the theory exam, though._

_Paramount Martin FTW! - B_

Only rates himself a four.

Little Martin, I believe. -T

 

_Do you have a fucking cribb sheet for this? - B_

 

No, you were just that good, Ben. -T

_You need a life. - B_

 

Yes, I do.

Kind of like Martin.

*drops mic -T


	5. SexyBack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A post-TV appearance high leads to dancing and cooking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For DragonGems, who has loved this little series since the first.

“I’m telling you, it’s too much milk, Ben!”

“Oh, since when are you the king of dairy?”

“Come on, Ben, I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. Just let me…” Tom reached for the mixing spoon, giving Ben the look that said ‘you know I’m right’.

“Fine,” Ben huffed, flicking up the collar of his Doctor Strange onesie and flouncing dramatically to sit across the bench from Tom. He had to admit, Tom was a better cook than he. He’d only wanted to have a go so that he could choose the flavour of their muffins – Tom’s constant statement that ‘the baker chooses’ grated on him.

Tom liked chocolate, which was okay, but they never got to make raspberry white chocolate, which Ben adored.

“Come on, they’ll be fine!” Ben whined. All the ‘talk show appearance’ energy they worked up was starting to dissipate, and he wasn’t ready to crash.

“Alright, but I’m telling you they won’t cook properly,” Tom warned. He put the muffin tray in the oven, then replaced his onesie mittens, looking at Ben in exasperation.

“What should we do while we wait?” he asked, eyes sparkling.

“Something FUN!” Ben shouted. It was so rare for them to be in the same city for too long, let alone appearing on the same talk show at the same time. And it had been Norton, a favourite of both of them, and now they were sitting in Tom’s kitchen still full of the energy they worked up before a public appearance.

“You could show me that ridiculous dance Graham made you do,” Tom suggested, moving over to choose some music.

“I hardly have the monopoly on stupid dancing, Thomas,” Ben retorted, grinning.

The sharp electronic beat started as Tom turned back. “Timberlake!”

“Excellent,” Ben agreed. They both put on their serious faces, bringing out the ridiculous dance moves Graham had just shown the whole world. Long arms and legs, awkward angles – Ben could see them both reflected in the wall of glass overlooking Tom’s pool.

It was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever seen.

“Come on, you do Timbaland!” Tom encouraged him.

“I don’t know the words!” Ben shouted back.

“Yes you bloody well do,” Tom replied, singing Timberlake’s lines and encouraging Ben with his hands.

“Oh alright,” Ben grumbled, pausing to listen to where they were at.

He picked it up, he and Tom dancing together, doing the most ridiculous poses they could manage. When they got to the second ‘twerking’ and Tom started twerking, his bum pointed right at Ben, they both collapsed in a heap, the song forgotten.

“That was not what I signed up for!” Ben gasped through his laughter.

“Ooh, this one, dance to this one!” Tom replied, struggling up as the opening lines of the next song began.

“What the hell is this?” Ben asked as Tom started dancing. The beat was enticing, and he found himself moving, clapping along with the percussion.

“Jason Derulo,” Tom told him. “Talk dirty to me!”

Ben laughed, listening more to the lyrics as they both danced as awkwardly as any two very tall skinny men could.

“Did he just say…”

“Yep,” Tom said, huge grin. “Not a song for seduction, this one.”

“Um, no!” Ben replied. “Play it again!”

They worked their way through Tom’s dance list until both were breathless and lyrics swirled through Ben’s head.

It wasn’t until they were slumped together on the couch that another sense overcame the ringing in his ears.

“What’s that smell?” he asked.

Before he’d even finished the words, he and Tom had both jumped up, heading for the oven.

+++

“Nothing was going to save those muffins,” Ben consoled Tom.

“They were going to be terrible anyway,” Tom replied. “Not enough milk.”

“Okay, okay,” Ben conceded. “You’re in charge of the baking. But maybe I could chose the flavour sometimes?”

“Fine,” Tom agreed. “Pass me the ice-cream, would you? I’m going to need it if we’re to see Carrie mess it up with Big again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're listening to 'SexyBack' by Justin Timberland feat. Timbaland and 'Talk Dirty' by Jason Derulo feat. 2 Chainz.


End file.
